Reasonable Minds Will Differ

Appreciating and acknowledging that reasonable people have different beliefs on important issues helps us better conversations. Many of life's most important questions do not lend themselves well to the dichotomies of right/wrong, correct/incorrect, good/bad, or better/best. Some aspects of life are more creative and personal; they do not fit well into the framework of dichotomies. This is not a problem until we make it a problem.

Many times our differences with people over matters of opinion get inflamed because we do not like to acknowledge when our opinions and beliefs are just that, opinions and beliefs. This is especially true regarding spiritual matters because spiritual beliefs form the foundation of our experience of life. When it comes to things spiritual, there is a temptation not only to think that we are right about are beliefs, but also that others should honor our beliefs.

There is a big difference between relating to others as though they should honor our beliefs as compared to asking (not demanding) that others respect that we have spiritual beliefs and that they are true enough for us. When our spiritual beliefs are contrary to another person's beliefs, it is unfair to ask them to honor our beliefs. We will have much more harmonious relations with others if we make a distinction between what it means to have our beliefs honored as compared to respected. Having our beliefs honored implies that others should treat us a certain way because of our beliefs. Asking that our beliefs be respected only implies that people should be aware of them and treat them as real for us.

Suggesting that others should honor our beliefs is a subtle, and sometimes not so subtle way, of trying to "lord it over" others.

One of the biggest challenges comes when we are discussing issues that are impacted directly by beliefs that are not shared with the person with whom we are having a discussion. Sometimes we expect others to appreciate that we understand that our beliefs are our own, even though we are speaking with an emotional charge that does not reflect the healthy humility that tends to come when we take the time to include phrases like "I believe" or "in my opinion."

It is tempting to treat our personal experiences as something that proves the legitimacy and correctness of our beliefs to others. Such experiences are only useful for "proving" things to us.

Additional problems develop when we then attempt to use statements that are premised on our beliefs for the purpose of developing a mode of reasoning or logic that leads to a conclusion. When this occurs there is a temptation to suggest, either explicitly or subtly, that the other person is unable to "follow along with what we are saying." The other person will often end up feeling like they are being treated as unreasonable or stupid. Slipping into this pitfall is an excellent way to inflame a conversation, but it is not a very good way to make friends and influence people in a positive way.

Sometimes it is difficult to accept that just because our spiritual beliefs may have an internal logic and consistency associated with them, this does not make us any more logical or reasonable than someone with contrary beliefs.

When it comes to spiritual beliefs, reasonable minds will differ.